So, the last two weeks have been something of an emotional roller coaster! I have learned valuable lessons and things about myself. Lessons that will go with me and color the rest of my life. One of my greatest lessons is about friends. REAL FRIENDS. Ones you can depend on, Friends. I learned that there are some real people out there. Ones who will hold you up, let you cry, snot, and ramble on the phone without asking what's wrong, and those who can sympathize with your tears and still tell you about yourself when you're done crying. My friends are ALL of those. I have the most loving,compassionate group of folk surrounding me and I am so grateful.
Many people look to there friends as a "shelter in the time of a storm", or "a safe haven". But in all the wonderful things that my friends are, I realized that although they had listening ears and great commentary, they could not solve my problems. I had (unknowingly) used them as "medication" for my sick situation. In spite of the love and sharing, it was merely a band-aid with ointment on the deeper wound of my soul.
After feeling better for a few days, then feeling worse again after I couldn't get my 'fix' (speaking to my friends), I became cognizant that I was simply medicating myself. I was miserable for two days because I wanted to talk to them about my life, but it seemed that everyone had there own lives to live. Being understanding, I didn't push because I know that they too have responsibilities and issues to deal with. Knowing this did not make me feel any better though. I was forced to sit with my own thoughts and prayers to sort through.
I have always been a loner. I had many friends but had never really been in a place to "need" them. I handled most things on my own. Then I gained a friend in college. We were best friends for about 10 years. Our friendship had an unexpected breakup. We hugged, shed tears and said goodbye. After I healed from the abrupt break in the relationship, I longed for another friend. Not someone as close, but a friend I could share with and trust. My desire was granted after nearly a year. I gained some people in my life that I know I can trust. I never really brought them fully in, not knowing if they could 'take' all of me. I'm a bit of a handful at times. I'm certainly not for the faint of heart. LOL! Another year later, I met more friends through a very unlikely medium, the Internet. Some of these people have become closer than my very own family and I can't imagine my life without them. Herein lies the problem at hand...
Previously, I had lots of friends but I didn't let them all the way in. Then, I met some people, fell in love with them and can't imagine going TWO days not talking to them when I am in a crisis. *insert BIG SIGH*
After the fact, I am now in a new place. I love these people. I want them in my world. BUT, I need to be okay without them. I have my own responsibilities and I have to govern the space I allow them. Does this mean that I will back up and become distant? Heck No! I love these people and they would have to hurt me badly to make me distant. I just know that everyone has a place or should have a place. As long as I allow them to stay within the boundaries of THAT place in my life, all should be right in my world.
Lesson: Keep boundaries in your life. Never let ANYONE become your world. Maintain your personal space. You are responsible for your own happiness.
Stay UP People!!! Smooches!!
No comments:
Post a Comment